January 31st: Uh, hi???

It’s over, the non stop flights are over. I have finally made it to my ancestral home. I should feel excited but I’m nervous as fuck and don’t know what to expect. So I’ll go back to another conversation that I had with my father on the way here first.

We finally made it to Ho Chi Minh City. A mix up at Tokyo Narita had us there longer than we should have been. Four hours longer. You could hear the collective disdain as they announced it. I felt bad for the flight staff because they were only doing their jobs and even gave out complimentary coffee and snacks while we waited, which gave me and good ole dad another opportunity to talk. This time I wanted to actually discuss my little brother with him. 

“I told Chien about this whole trip”

“Yeah”

“ He’d be interested if you could do something similar for him.”

“I can’t. It no good for him.” 

And it makes sense. He’s incapable of making any more children. As a result of other issues I won’t go into here. We discussed a lot of things during the layover in Tokyo but that stuck out the most. Other than the history lessons my father loves to talk about. I think it’s more of he’s trying to be sure I know where I came from and what the history he knows to be true is passed on to someone who understands.  

The flight was rather turbulent, which resulted in me sleeping in two hour intervals the whole way. I’d wake up randomly to being asked what I’d like to drink, snacks, etc. At that point I was trying to get any sleep that I could, probably didn’t work out in my favor but I wanted sleep. I guess I didn’t truly appreciate being well rested. I’m always burning the candle at both ends. 

We land and it’s extremely early. Getting through baggage claim was a hassle because apparently they lost one of the boxes that was supposed to be here and it’s in Chicago currently. We finally get through customs and walk outside and there she stood. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I first saw her. I was completely in awe. Then fear and everything else set in and I was overran with anxious thoughts. 

When we first looked at each other, I couldn’t really tell how she thought about me and she waved and smiled and all I could muster was a “Hello!” Warning, inner monologue approaching...

“That’s it? Hello? You finally get the chance to speak to her and that’s what you pick?!

What else am I supposed to say? ‘Hey I came all the way from America just to see if you were real?! And I see that you are so I will go back now.’

You spent a year trying to get to know her! A little more thought maybe even attempting to say hello in Vietnamese?

Dude you know as well as I do my Vietnamese sucks. I’m not trying to offend her or anything.

That’s not the point and we both know it!

Hey, I’m scared as hell right now and I’m sure she is too! What if I’m not what she was expecting ? What if I’m not good enough?

And that’s the focal point of my fear, what if I’m not good enough for her?